Me: Still rescuing?
Bro: Nah... Fuck 'em!
Me: That's the spirit!

(Note: Before you start sending me nasty replies, Bro is a cop who not only helped with the evac, he stayed on duty through the storm and has spent the last two days doing search and rescue for those people who didn't leave. He hasn't slept more than an hour at a time in about five days. So, he's a tad punchy...)

In response to someone expressing disbelief that we were going for coffee at 9:30 at night...

Je: "Hells, yeah! It's Saturday. 'Saturday' is Ancient Babylonian for 'coffee all damn day long'."

To set this one up, there's this (admittedly nice-looking) guy who keeps randomly showing up at places where I am. (Seriously, people, this is weird...it's a big city). We walked into the Metreon today to see a movie and guess who was there?? No kidding.

Me: OMG! He's following me.
J: Well, logically, he can't follow you if he was there first.
Me:...
J:...
Me: Thanks, Spock. You're the pride of the Federation.

J. does impressions. (Well, he says they're impressions. I have a theory that they're alternate personalities, but whatever.) One of them is a gay guy. Like, full-on San Francisco gay guy. He burst into this voice, at the top of his lungs, when we got close to the theatre, singing in a sing-song gay voice.

J: ::gay singing:: We're going to the MOOOOOOO-vies!
Me: You do a good gay guy.
J: ...
J: Don't ever say that again.

Hey, if the Prada shoe fits...

Random quote from a lady on the street, talking to her cell phone:

"Are you having that 'I want to fire them' feeling?"

Hey, I've had that feeling...

I was talking to two co-workers about the Euro 2008 soccer tournament, and bemoaning how badly Switzerland got crushed in the first game (losing their team captain to injury in the process).

Co-Worker 2, sympathetically: "Well...you'll always have Heidi."

I almost forgot this one. How??

A. and I showed D. a picture we took at game of my mad picture-drawing skillz. After her shocked expression faded, she said:

"You're like the opposite of an idiot savant. Instead of a retarded person who does one thing really well, you're a really smart person who draws like you're retarded."

::sigh::

One day I'll have friends who appreciate my genius...

Jet Li vs. Jackie Chan...what's not to love?

This is a modern fairy tale, with a completely likeable American boy who knows Kung Fu only from movies. He then gets zapped into ancient China. He has to return a staff to the Monkey King to save the world from the Jade Warlord, and he's being chased by a demoness with freaky living white hair. To help, he has two teachers: Jackie Chan, a drunk, and Jet Li, a serious (mostly) monk. There's also a gorgeous girl who has pretty serious kung fu and refers to herself as "she".

It's a lot of fun. A lot. It's cute, funny and the good guys win - The Karate Kid meets ancient China. Plus, there's a big fight between Jet Li and Jackie Chan, and that's worth the price of admission.

However, there's something not quite...there....about it. It's fun, don't get me wrong, but it's one of those movies that could be GREAT, but never quite hits it. There were a couple of times that I thought "that's it?" or found myself disappointed at the outcome of the fights. It didn't really take away from my enjoyment of the movie, but there was definitely a threshold that the movie NEARLY hit, but didn't.

Still, it had one of mine and J.'s new favorite lines. When the girl asks the boy how good his Kung Fu was, Jackie Chan yells: "He has no Kung Fu! NONE!"

We say that constantly, including on the escalator in front of an older asian guy who just looked at us and rolled his eyes like we were soooo white.

Finally, I leave you with a Quote of the Day-able line, spoken by the main character as they're walking across a desert toward their final destination:

Damn! This desert is HOT!

From J., who was watching a particularly horrible movie called In the Name of the King. (I've never watched it, nor do I need to to know it's awful. When it came out, I thought to myself 'Who would watch that drivel??' Now I know.)

Upon discovering that the aforementioned King was being played by Burt Reynolds, he exclaimed:

"Is this a joke?! Burt Reynolds is not the king of ANYTHING!!"

Wisdom for the ages...

By Geoff of "Ace of Cakes", speaking to an off-camera producer about his bakery's recent potato gun battle.

Producer Potato guns don't kill people...
Geoff ::nods head sagely:: Potatoes kill people.

Coworker: "If at first you don't succeed..."

Me: "You fail. And the test is terminated."

J. and I have a mutual friend in D. He oftens tells me to tell her "hi", but with his music and all, he doesn't make a lot of gatherings. She and I were discussing it, and she said that the next time he told me to tell her that, to tell him that she didn't want to hear it anymore and to come and tell her himself. So, I told him. His response:

But...I send messages through YOU. You know, like a carrier pigeon.

I was with my friend J., and we were talking about the medieval Swiss armies. (This was not entirely random; I got my brother a book about them for Christmas.) I was explaining how the Swiss mercs and armies essentially changed medieval warfare, because they were halberdiers.

(Halberdier: A guard who carries a halberd.
Halberd: A weapon of the 15th and 16th centuries having an axlike blade and a steel spike mounted on the end of a long shaft.)

He, in his infinite wisdom, immediately rejected that idea with a loud "Uh-UH", and proceeded to lecture me about how Lord of the Rings wasn't REAL. And if that were TRUE, then he guessed his Irish ancestors were "GNOME-ELBOWS".

I sat there staring at him, trying to make sense of this and thinking "WTF?" when it occurred to me what he'd actually heard, and I said:

"HALBERDIERS. Not HOBBIT EARS."

Yes, the Swiss changed medieval warfare with their hobbit ears. Switzerland RULES!

From some random loser posting on Curt Schilling's blog (don't ask).

"...just need to take the whole Mitchell report with a grain assault."

That is freaking awesome. That's my new favorite expression.

I'm going to take everything with a grain assault.

"Well, if you don't TRY...you don't fail...."

Paula was making jacket potatoes with a brandy mushroom sauce, and was explaining why you should always pour your brandy into a dish before pouring it into a boiling pan (for fear that the entire bottle would ignite in your hand):

"You certainly don't want to run the risk of burning yourself alive...not even for a baked potatah"

So true, Paula. So true.

I was gushing to my officemate, Michael, about the hottest villain on television: Sylar, from Heroes.

Michael: But he's evil
Foo: He's evil...dipped in AWESOME SAUCE!

Anything's better with awesome sauce.